Friday, October 11, 2013

The Present Presence of the Future

As I usually do, I was staring off into space while I was at work. 
This was while tending to some meaningless task assigned to me by the higher ups. A task in which I had done many times before, and will most undoubtedly continue to do for the for see able future. One of many different tasks that I am told that I must do, in order to some how feel a sense of accomplishment in my life. Tasks that, unbeknownst to the world around me, kill me slightly everyday. and yet the world tells me that I am required to complete these meaningless time wasters, in order to progress as a person. This is what work is to me.
 The Idea that I am nothing more than a puppet at the theme park, grinding gears and following orders. Work is the promise of a future, while simultaneously promising an impossibility. It is an endless archaic mountain of tasks. And so in it shall be known as "Task" instead of "Work". One day, when I have considered how to completely circumvent that mountain, rather than climbing over it, I believe that I will consider what I do, Work. Not in the term that is to consider one doing something, with tasks. Rather, I will have something in my life that will define me, and my path.
I was considering the world around me, and the road that was building itself in front of me. Brick by brick I was beginning to see the choices I would make and the ultimate need for consideration at each fork. There was a supple amount of decisions that needed to be made. Each one was a new exit to the life Highway, leading to a new world that I could live in. 

Should I continue with the degree I have, and fight that hard fight for Video fame?

Maybe pursue a second degree in graphic design and really tone my artistic side?

Could I possible start a small business and make a real living doing that?

Will I let my voice be heard on the interweb and beyond?

Could I write what I dream and let others dream with me?

Was there a chance I could let the music in my heart pour out to the world?

Is there any sense in dragging the Girl of my dreams along side my struggles?

I started to wonder if there was any possible and definite reason to any of these things. Should I just continue in my current Task and be happy being unhappy. This was what hit me hard, and it almost knocked me to the floor. My task was making me unhappy. It's not that I don't want to work. I love working, I love hard labor, but it has to have a purpose. What purpose was my current task allowing me to hold on to. I realized, these are the things that make me happy. Seeing the finished product, seeing the smiles that I make. I MAKE. That's exactly what I love. MAKING. I was floored. all of these things were products, that were being made.
Each and everything that I wanted to do, required hard work, and it required that I make something. It would mean that I would make something bigger than my self. If I desired to follow even one of these paths than I could make something, not just for myself, but out of myself. Each and every one of these possible projects was a way to my future. It was a way to the me I wanted to be.
Here's the kicker, I decided at that moment that I would do them all.Video, Comics, Writing, Music, Married life, Owning a business, Being a dreaming and a creator. 
I am daring to invent myself as I see my self. I want the world to know what I think of while I preform meaningless and arbitrary tasks. I will define my self with a life that it parallel to the gifts I have been given. I believe that God gives us all gifts, and that if we deny ourselves these gifts than we will fall away from happiness. We will let a Joy that sparks in our hearts fall into a cold a deserted place. I believe that I am closest to God when I am creating and innovating and doing what he has gifted me to do. Jesus the Christ was a carpenter, he was a man who worked with his hands and a man who worked hard. So I must too work at what I am good at, and do it with everything I am. 
 So while I was doing something pointless and tedious, I came to a realization. The epiphany that I wanted to do everything I could do everything I could. all while I was starring off at work, as I usually do.  
T.W. Clawson

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