A Tale of Three Cities

I think in Metaphors.
No joke, I once watched my cat attack my dog and wondered to myself if this was much like the attack from Japan on America. Japan was obviously smaller, but it had more intention to attack, it was fierce and quick. This cat perfectly demonstrated a 1940's Japan. As well, my dog portrayed America to the tee. It was much bigger, and stronger. But really didn't care to fight the cat, and just kept sleeping while the cat stalked on. once the cat made a move though, the dog was quick to retaliate. pulling the cat off his back an pinning him to the ground, making him meow in protest. until the dog had had enough and let the cat go and it ran into the other room to lick its wounds.
But I digress. This metaphor post is not about my dog and cat, but rather myself and my Brothers.
I see us as cities. Don't ask me where this sort of thought comes from, it just appears in my head and swirls around in there. Most of the time when I'm trying to complete meaningless tasks at my task site. But anyway, here it is, who are we as cities. And I stuck with west coast, because I know those cities best (not that i know them all that well.), and because I don't think any of us are east coast cities at heart.
Lets start with me just to get it out of the way.

Tyler- Portland, Oregon


I make myself Portland because I see Portland as a city of conflict and eclecticism.  It is a city who's cultures clash in the town square with screaming and hatred, but then the same people that cause for outcry are the same that meet civil in the coffee shops and the meeting rooms. The people want to be weird, left to do what they want with out being told that they must adapt to a paradigm. It is a place of rest and intensity, of revolutionary changes and conservative sanctuary. It has a music culture built around enjoying music, not perfecting it. Searching the old films for classics, not creating new blockbusters. and a fad following group of people that are too cool to be fit into a box like a trend, whether that is the new trend or not.
I am constantly being told that I am a hipster from my Brothers, and the more I deny the idea of it, the more they are convinced of it. I love music and movies and will fight to the death that my point of view of them is correct. that the classics are classics for a reason, and most of the time my views don't line up with others. Possibly on purpose, so as to give me a chance to voice my opinion. I believe out of the three of my siblings I'm the "weirdest." The way I dress, talk and act points to my unique and oddity. I am constantly in conflict with myself, letting my liberality battle with my conservatives, forming a hodgepodge of beliefs and morals. willing to accept pluralism, but wanting to do away with it in every way.  
I am Portland because I am the middle child who wants attention, the starving artist, poor collage student, the business man, the councilor, the rebel and the lawman.  In a word, I'm weird.


Brother One - Seattle, Washington

Now, before I begin, I have to say that most of what I know from Seattle is from magazines, a one time trip up there, and a once pass through to a concert somewhere else, what others have told me, and the TV show Frasier. And while I might not have several years of living in the city experience, I do have an idea, just an idea mind you, of what the city is about. So please bear with me if  make a few mistakes, I'm just making parallels, not travel brochures.
The very first thing that pops into my head about why my older brother is Seattle is that he is from Washington. He grew up there and only moved to Oregon because it was closer to family.  While this origin is not a the complete summation in the decision of what city  he is, it does play a part. He still has quite a bit of Washington pride and will stand for the state he hails from.
To me Seattle is the big brother of Portland, for more than just this metaphor, it has always in my mind been the big brother. While Portland has been in existence longer than Seattle, the reputation that I have seen it at is that Seattle is a little more refined, established.
It is a city of free thinking and art. Of health and economy, its cosmopolitan yet casual ( that last part I took from a travel guide. I'm not original, don't delude yourself.)
A huge supporter of sports and business, this city has just about everything a person would want to live around. Its smart and fun and loud and sophisticated. that why it was name one of the most livable cities in america.
The City has a huge musical culture that differs from Portland in that it wants to actually change the music we listen to.  Both cities have musicians, and do well to put out their style of music, but Seattle seems to have a more established network of publishing. It to me seems like it has the same artist soul, but its more refined, more well mannered, less "weird".
Brother One is my fathers son. He is a guy who loves sports. An MMA fighter who has scared me with how intense he can be. While maintaining a sense of fun and excitement that only he seemed to be able to create. Constantly bring the people around him closer together with fun events, he lives to help people be better versions of themselves. He has amassed such a large collection of music, that not even he can keep track of it.  Often getting into musical "battles" with my younger brother to see who can introduce the coolest newest song.
Seattle is a city with a defined skyline. You can see the silhouette and know exactly what you'r looking at. as long as you know what to look for. For me its the Space Needle, for others its... its... its... ok never mind everyone just looks for the Needle.
My brother is the defined one, the one that every knows him for what he offers. While Portland is well known, it is not defined. Seattle is defined, it is sophisticated, even in its liberal views that Portland has yet to accept, It is exciting and happy, something that inspires all the cities around it to be. Brother One is safe a haven for just about every one, willing to help those in need and be a good guy, but not afraid to stand his ground. He is a role model to myself and Brother Two, when we check ourselves against One, we comeback only better people. Brother One in a word, Charming

Brother Two - Los Angeles


Again I give the same warning as before. This is just quick thoughts on how people relate to cities. Not a travelers guide to a vacation spot. what I know of Seattle, I know even less of LA. Most of what I know come from movies, TV shows, and some light reading. I passed through once on a mission trip, and that was literally it. So most of this will be heresy.
LA is a city that feeds on the attention of others, but still wants to be left alone. It has this sense of superiority that is unmatched by almost any other city, except maybe New York. But when the new world became available to the rest of the world, and america still wanted people to migrate to its borders, New York was the place to go and start a new life. Now its LA. In LA you can find the american dream, stretching from the sands of the warm beaches, to the sands of the hot Fracking desert.
It offers an idea that people latch onto in this culture, that you can be yourself and still get paid a lot of money. Home of the struggling and the famous (and that's not always two different people.) It has a huge complex of personalities. It knows who it wants to be, but is coming to terms with who it is. And while most might think that it is a place of new beginnings, the people who live there are constantly trying to keep new people and tourists away.  It is both Inclusive and exclusive at the same time, it is a paradox of society that stands in the very heart of art.
Now I know that this all might seem a little jaded in words but its really not. I'm just writing one aspect. The other aspect is a city of artists who excel at any medium they choose. Comedians, Painters, Musicians, Actors, Athletes. We have a city that can literally to do anything it wants. It chooses to entertain us. Giving us great things and making us laugh and cry and rise up in a cause. It gives its voice for what it feels and pivots an entire country on its heels. Because of this, it puts itself fully into an art that makes it jaded to the rest of the world. It distances its self from the country and warns them not to come over, because it wants to perfect what it does and then reveal it to us when its ready.
LA is a city of artists, who could be considered weird, but I believe they are just strange to most. They have an odd way of looking at the world, and it can only be expressed through art. and  I believe that is much Like Brother Two.
He is a Musician first and for most. He literally picks up any instrument and figures out how to make sweet music with it. He is so good that it had actually pissed me off in some cases. and he is determined to make it as a musician, which I completely support.
Sometimes he has odd thoughts that make others wonder what could possible be going on in his head, and he is cast out from a lot of social circles because of it. He can bring a smile with his cooky wit, or he can really piss you of.
He has told me before, not in a round about way, but straight up, that he is the final authority on music. Which if you twinged inside at how egotistical that is to say, then I'm right there with you. But a couple things on that. First is, when I graduated film school I though that I was the authority on movies, and argued all the time about what people thought about movies.Even now people think i argue a lot, AND I DON"T!
But he is simply taking pride in what he knows, and likes so i don't that against him all that much. Too, he is very good at finding good music. constantly putting music on in any room, car, or patio that he occupies, he has made an art out of finding the right mood for the setting. so while i hate that he thinks hes above it all, I do appreciate his knowledge and abilities.
While his is a musician and all around fun guy, Brother Two has some introverted tendencies that show their face every once in a while. The idea that he needs to spend time alone to gather his thoughts is one thing. Something that most of us share. But Two tends to spend most of his time by himself, or with the girl he adores. To the point where he is almost starving for connection with the outside world. But he soon finds himself wanting to go back to what it is he likes to do, and not what others do. He wants to jam on his music, and play Fallout 3.
Two and LA connected in their talent, and contradictory personalities. They want people, they want approval, but they don't want to give up themselves to get that. They want to be the top of the list in their field, in what they do, but they are just figuring it out. They are coming to terms with an ever changing world, and a culture that changed them almost everyday. Brother Two in a word, No it takes two words, Talented Ambivalence.

This is just me working through some personal identification and how i see the world around me. It's not a gospel in the way my family, or myself, is. I love my Brothers very much, they mean everything to me, and are my best friends. Which is why I feel safe enough to write about them.  Its just short little snippets of what goes through my head, and a metaphor that i wanted to try and write out. But the question really is, how do you see yourself. what city are you?

T.W. Clawson

The Power is yours!

I recreated the Captain planet logo... because I loved that show so frakin much. 

I made it look a little worn and faded, because it's suppose to be on a t-shirt. Below is the way it would look for the most part.

And I guess this would be a good segway into saying that if you ever want a shirt of the designs I do, feel free to contact me and I can make that happen. Not that I'm expecting a flood of orders. Just putting it out there. 

Hope you guys like it. 

T.W. Clawson

A Kiss from the sunset

Taken from the Movie Princess Mononoke, when the Forest Spirit comes out to meet the sunset, and begins to turn to the night walker. It's an odd and some what iffy movie to watch, but it is wonderful to say the least. By far my favorite anime movie. Hope you guys like the design. 

Dawn of Revenge of the living Nerds!

I recently started to asked a Retro Game store if they would wanna by some of my shirts. This was my favorite design that I showed them. So I thought I would share it with you.
Aren't you just super lucky.

T.W. Clawson

Fill the void and look good doing it

So I realized that I have been ranting like crazy and that's not the whole point of this blog. I wanna show off every aspect of me, I want the world to see it as a way to get to know me some more. As well, I only write a big thing one a month, leaving thirty days of emptiness. This can cause people to stop caring about whats going on, and I wanna put a stop to that.
so I'm gonna try and put up some art work that I have done once a week. I have recently begun working at a t-shirt company as a graphic designer and that gives me a lot of time to chill and create, as well as internet access, so I will start to day with something I worked on.

This is one of my favorite pictures that I have ever done, because it doesn't mean a damn thing. Seriously, all I did was see the picture online and work it into a cool design. Thing is I have people asking me questions about it all the time. And usually its the question they ask that tell's me how they feel about Darwin and The Theory of Evolution.

T.W. Clawson

Where you there when I set the Foundations of the Earth?

I don't like to think of God as a Genie in a bottle, but sometime I am inclined to, and I feel a sense of obligation to put him back in said bottle. 

See, there is a certain feeling that I encounter and I have a hard time shaking. I feel it's quite outwardly when I'm in the darkest of times. With the world crumbling around me, I feel the weight of this enormous mystical being pressing down one me. He continues to press and press until I start screaming and yelling and throwing my fists. Its a fight or flight mechanism in our brains that causes us to do this. We want to persevere through the wicked and the pain so as to help others when we come out of it, hoping to have a better story to tell. But that's just not how life is, we are not pressed and pressed only to see ourselves overcome. Rather the longer we take to get to the point of giving up, the more this monolith of eternity will crush us under His hand.

We are forced into a position of crying and begging and confusion and pain, laying on the ground giving up on everything. Brought to our lowest point, we think back on the world and wonder what it is that we can do to make things right, wondering what it was that we did to piss of this great super being of awesomeness. All the while he presses down on our soul with his thumb and pushes us closer to hell, and all for what? To make us stronger, to test us, to help us?  

We question God, I question God, and yet we are told to have faith in him who we question. Now don't get me wrong, I don't question God's existence, not for a second. Rather I question what I am suppose to be in his eyes, so in a way I guess I question myself. I lose faith in the glorious and liberating knowledge that is being a "Christian".  

Someone once asked me, while I was in a very dark and painful part of my life, "Do you really think that God is taking these thing away from you? You really think that he would that 'to' you. He would punish you for something like that?" I think on that a lot, because the fact is I absolutely do. I absolutely believe that God takes from us, and at his own will, when he pleases. It only makes sense to me. Look at the book of Job, Through Satan, God took from him. Look at David, because of his sin, God took his child, heck he took almost all his children. Look at Jonah, he took three days of his life. Look at Neberkenezer, one of the worst People in all of history, and he took his sanity, his royalty and shelter, and basically turned him in to a wolfman... look it up Daniel 4. 

Besides, its only logical to give Him the glory of our lacking and pains, since we have to give him our glories in everything good. If you have ever seen me give a speech or comedy or writing or anything where people give me applause for something I did, I always, ALWAYS, give back to God. "He's the one that gave me the words. He really was the one talking there. No, I'm terrible at bass, but God gave me the power this time." So if I give him the blame for all the good stuff, then should he not get the blame for that bad as well? Do you believe that God would be so egotistical that he would only allow us to recognize him for the best parts of our lives, and allow Satan to to take the fall for all our misadventures. 

As well, I look at God with a bitter sweetness when I ask for something from him. I Love the X-files, awesome show, and in it there is an episode with a Genie. She is a cold and emotionless woman who gives people exactly what they want. The first man we see asked for invisibility, when he walks around invisible he gets hit by a car and dies. When Mulder asked for world peace, the entire population of earth disappears except for him. In bedazzled, with Brendan Fraser (cause i haven't seen the original.) Satan gives him wishes and they are fulfilled, only to be ruined by some unseen event.     

Now that I sit in a position of some what comfortably, I am scared to death of what God is "going to do to me".  People have told me, be careful when you ask God for humility or Patience, because he will give them to you, and you will have to use them. What kind of God are we worshiping if we are terrified to ask him for things? Especially when he did so much to open the line of communication. He has given us permission to ask him for anything, and he sent his own son to die in order to keep us close. I'm terrified to grow and become better because I don't want to go back to the life I was living, to poverty and suicidal thoughts. To humility and embarrassment, to having people look down on me and question whether is good to have me in their life or not.  

David continued to sin against God all his life, even when his first born of Bathsheba had died, he didn't learn his lesson. Jonah was forced to go to Niniva and then scolded for his personality. Though Job's life was restored to him and he was given back everything in ten fold, and Neberkanezzer was given back his sanity and ruled over Babylon as a God Fearing King, totally cleaned up his act. 

So what do I get when I ask God to make me better? I get a rock hard ass cause I keep cringing and waiting. Then I'm given a moment to relax, but soon find that I am worried about what's going to come next. Hoping that I am one of the few that figures out how to give up all my lunch money before getting punched in the face. Or that I'm getting punched in the face enough will allow me to stop caring and become a stronger person.  Either way I'm told That I don't fully understand what's happening and that I should just let God do what he does, and hope that his will is done. 

But if there is one thing I have learned from my Israel like relationship with the Lord, it's that God always gets what he wants. Always. 

T.W. Clawson

While maintiing a level headedness.

I  want to be well known.

Not so I can feed in to my own vanity. I understand that,  that might seem like a bit of a cliche but its not. There are two distinct reasons for my unnecessary desire to be known by strangers. The first being that I want to influence people in a good way and be a good role model to those who need one, as well and possibly in that same vain, I want to show society that a person can enjoy the world and still be a Christian.

Some would say that my goals and my aspirations would be that of self seeking pride, or of glory. That in order to seek fame and fortune one must by nature be a nihilist and selfish. To be able to make ones self known, you must first rid your self of morals and conservatives that  make the modern man a true and honest person Just look at the realm in which our highest and most celebrated people act, they have taken the restraints of society and loosened them to further their own popularity. How could any simple man want to be know by strangers and still possible hold fast to the ideals of simplicity and good nature.

To me the answer is quite simple actually. The very idea that one holds fast to their ideals and morals makes them a prime candidate to be placed in a position of fame. Its the way I think that our political system should work, though it doesn't and that's a completely different blog. But the point being that I, myself, should be able to look for fame in showing the world my values. I should bet on my beliefs and my view points to help me succeed in the world. I don't believe that people should use them to hold me back, and strip me of my dreams.

To say, I hope that what I do with my writing and art and comedy and endeavors of any kind would be to help kids who are like how I was and help them grow in a way that is undamaging. I want to feed into the idea that we are all worth life, and that there is some how a glimmer of light in any dark that we might be facing. Though to be honest this is a message that a lot of artists and musicians have. From emo punk kids to directors and writers, they all have a shtick of helping people work through something hard. While I applaud the heart of their message, I find it lacking.

The only true  light that I have ever found in my life is that of Jesus Christ. DON'T WORRY, this is not a sermon. I'm not going to go off on the nature and truth that is the living God taking on flesh and dieing for all of mankind's sins. I'm simply stating what I have found to be the light that others have, in my life, said that I should hold onto. While they tell me that, I'm not sure what it is that they have taken a hold of to be able to relay that message.

So now I say I want to be well known so that some random kid out there can see my work and find in him/herself  a desire to do something for some reason. I think back to meeting a few of my personal "Heroes". Some of them I think on fondly, allowing me to wish even more to be like that person. As for others I think of how star struck I was, and how awkward I end up being. To those That I have done that to, I'm immensely sorry and I hope that one day I get a chance to ask your forgiveness. But I look at these people and something inside me stirs, something finds joy in their accomplishments. It's like jealously, its like envy , but it's also like mentor-ship, like trail blazing. Its Inspiration.

This is the exact feeling that I want others to feel when I do something. I want what I write, say, do and think to inspire young people to take action and take control of their lives. That is not a bad thing, to any person out in the world, the idea of inspiration is not bad. so why is it wrong for me to dream that one day I become known enough to influence people from distance. It is the whole idea of Christianity to help those we don't know, and I honestly hope that one day I can do that.

Finally and like I said earlier, probably along the same vain as wanting to influence people, I want to show the world that the Bible is a great place to find inspiration for art. Walking a christian life is a line that requires a lot of balance. Often, Christians find themselves living it two separate worlds, their Sunday "Christ like" world and their "normal" world. I find this ridiculous. I will not jump from side to side of a single broadening line. Instead I will let my art and my skills and abilities speak to the Christ like person I try to be. There is a movement in the world, that a work of art is an extension of a person's thoughts and beliefs. While I admit that its not a new movement, and that people have been a part of it for hundreds of years, It's still something that I must make myself apart of. Its something that I hope I can help young Christians see, and help them live it.

In everything I do, I wish to show that God is not out dated, nor is he non existent and that he is always working, always trying to produce in us a better person. Again, this is not a sermon., so I will simply end with this. I don't want to convert the people of the world, no do I want to shove my beliefs down their throat, but I have been inspired to show the world my light, my joy. So I want to be well known, so that all that I stand for, all that I do believe is, along with me, well known. In the end, I pray that Truth will reveal itself, and in everything that I will give someone out there hope. 

T.W. Clawson